September 21, 2020

Frumpy Middle-aged Mom: This is the Year of the Un-Holiday, thanks to the coronavirus

So, I think I can safely declare that 2020 is officially the Year of Un-Holidays. Right? The year that’s reminiscent of the old fogey who lives next door and calls the police every time you have a party in your back yard. That would have been my late mother, by the way. She really hated it when anyone had a good time.

And that seems to be the theme this year, how to not have a good time. If there were specialty socks available for this Un-Holiday, they would be covered with designs of raw calf’s liver and locked bars. Let’s recap:

St. Patrick’s Day. Coronavirus quarantines arrived just in time to ruin St. Patrick’s Day for Irish bars, which didn’t matter much to me because I don’t drink green beer, but mattered to the owners who make half their annual profits that day. On the plus side, everyone was safer driving around that night. And people didn’t have to see one zillion annoying “Kiss me, I’m Irish” stickers.

Easter. Children everywhere bemoaned their reduced ability to hunt colored eggs. And restaurants were crushed that they couldn’t offer overpriced buffet meals. This always reminds me of the first Easter after I adopted my son, Cheetah Boy. He had just turned 6 and was definitely in favor of the concept of the church Easter egg hunt, once I explained it to him. Unfortunately, things didn’t go quite as planned. As soon as the organizers yelled “Go” he ran like the wind, scooped up all the eggs in the entire courtyard, and came back to me, panting and joyful. Meanwhile, the toddlers were just starting to amble unsteadily around the courtyard. I told Cheetah Boy that he had to go and put most of the eggs back for the other children. He started sobbing as he dutifully replaced the eggs. Not necessarily the fun I had in mind.

  Religion events in the San Fernando Valley area, Sept. 19-26

No Easter celebrations in 2020, like this one in the past with Curly Girl and her friend. (Photo by Marla Jo Fisher/SCNG)

Cinco de Mayo. Yes, I know it’s kind of a made-up holiday and they don’t really celebrate it much in Mexico, but any holiday that involves guacamole and tequila is all right with me. This year was remarkable because May 5th arrived actually ON a Taco Tuesday, but we couldn’t celebrate it properly because of a virus named after Corona beer. Oh, stop, PR people, don’t send me any letters. I know it wasn’t actually named after the cerveza, but it might as well have been, because anyone with any discernment knows that Pacifico is the best Mexican beer.

Memorial Day. Yeah, a barbecue in your back yard with a handful of people wasn’t exactly what you had in mind, but since the beaches and campgrounds were closed, that’s what you did. At least the grocery stores still had their grilling meats on sale. The Boy Scouts couldn’t go and put flags on soldiers’ graves this year, at least where I live, but I think the soldiers …read more

Source:: Los Angeles Daily News


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