September 21, 2020

Ask Amy: We had a little fight and he’s been silent for two months

Dear Amy: I’m a smart, well-educated woman in my mid-50s. I’ve been dating “Chas” (in his mid-60s) for five years. This is my first relationship after over 30 years with my ex. (My ex-husband abruptly left me and our kids for another woman).

Columnist Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune) 

Chas and I have maintained a long-distance relationship. He tells me daily how much he loves me. He got a tattoo with my initials.

I have a great job in health care. Before the pandemic we managed to meet every four to six weeks (usually I was the one traveling to see him — an 8-hour drive). We’ve discussed moving in together. I have been looking for a job closer to him (he’s retired).

I love him, although he is very moody and has been verbally abusive.

Recently over the phone, we had a small argument; I suggested that we cool off and talk again before the end of the day. Well, I have not heard from him since (more than two months ago). I apologized via email, voicemail and text. Nothing.

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Unfortunately, this has happened before — one time, he simply never showed up at the airport when I flew in.

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Some of these “off” periods have lasted as long as six months, and I am always the one to reach out. This behavior mirrors the end of my marriage and I feel betrayed, stunned and shocked all over again.

Friends say this is “ghosting,” and is widespread in the dating world now.

I am working on self-esteem with a therapist. If this behavior is common, I’m not sure I’ll ever be strong enough to start dating again. How do I move forward?

Blind-sided

Dear Blind-sided: “Ghosting” is when someone ignores you, without explanation. I don’t believe the behavior is new, but the ubiquity of technology makes it feel more visceral.

Yes, he is ghosting you. He has done this before, and you have always coaxed him back. Over the course of your five-year relationship, you have done the heavy lifting — traveling a great distance to see him, even though you are working and he is retired, staying with him even though you have felt degraded, and …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle

      

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