Ask Amy: I tried to do something nice for my friend, and her behavior crushed me

Dear Amy: I have a very dear friend who I have known for many years. I share things with her that I never share with anyone else.

Amy Dickinson 

I have been trying to open a savings account with her as the beneficiary; however, I need her Social Security number to do this.

With the pandemic, appointments at the bank are difficult to get.

I opened an account with my son as the POD  [payable-on-death beneficiary] a few years ago, and he did not need to be there. He provided his Social Security number later.

This time, when the bank manager finished the account, I said my friend would stop by with her SS number. The bank would not allow that.

I called my friend and she was reluctant to provide it over the phone. She said she would come to the bank, so I waited, holding up other customers. My friend then went to the wrong bank.

I left, really hurt!

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I’ve never once borrowed money from her. I feel like our friendship is not genuine now and feel crushed. Your thoughts?

Crushed

Dear Crushed: Naming a beneficiary to an account is one way to leave money to someone, essentially bypassing complicated estate issues that can arise after your death.

Your friend was wisely reluctant to provide her Social Security number, but I wonder if she realizes what a POD is and why you are attempting to do this? She may believe that you are asking her to co-sign a loan, or co-own the account.

A POD has no access to the account and no risks regarding the account.

You seem to believe that she must agree to this arrangement in order to truly be your friend. Not true! Cool down, explain it, and if she wants to do this, give it another try. You should see if your bank would let you bring the form to her to fill out and mail.

Dear Amy: My eldest daughter got married five years ago. My husband and I were not consulted about the wedding and were shocked when she told us she was getting married.

My husband …read more

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