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Ask Amy: I’m his wife. Why am I not first on his emergency list?

Usanewsposts
August 5, 20220

Dear Amy: I just got upset at my husband because I found out that he put my mother-in-law (his mom) as his first contact on his driver’s license. He listed me as his second contact.

Am I overreacting or being selfish? I feel hurt because I’m his wife!

Hurt

Dear Hurt: Some states ask holders of driver’s licenses to designate emergency contacts that are put in a database. This way, these contacts are quickly accessible to law enforcement and also easily updated.

Listing his mother as his emergency contact might have been your husband’s first instinct, but I’d say it might be a poor choice.

Of the two of you — his mother or you — which person is more likely to be able to react quickly if your husband is in an accident? Most likely you, assuming that you are healthy and able, and always have your phone nearby and charged.

All the same, I think you might be overreacting.

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Depending on how healthy your relationship is, this seems more a curious choice than a deliberately hurtful one.

Dear Amy: I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have a 5-year-old son.

My husband is fantastic; however, he takes zero interest in what is going on in my life. He never asks me how my day is, or wants additional details about anything, even if he knows that something important is going on.

I have expressed this frustration multiple times, and he may ask once, but he’ll never ask again.

I will ask him about his day, and he always says, “The usual.”

How can I get him to care about what is going on in my life?

Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: Most of us learn our communication styles from our family of origin. Your husband may have learned very early on that staying quiet was the best course for him.

You see this as him not caring about what is going on in your life. I see this as the two of you not knowing how to engage in intimate spoken communication. It takes practice.

Just because you love and care about each other doesn’t mean that you can …read more

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